His Secret Obsession vs Save The Marriage System: Which Women's Relationship Guide?

Both guides help women in troubled relationships, but they target completely different situations. His Secret Obsession is for the woman whose partner has gone quiet — she reads the Hero Instinct framework alone and applies it, no partner participation needed. Save The Marriage System is for couples who are both still trying but stuck in the same fight — it needs two people in the room and runs as a structured 30-day plan with audio, worksheets, and weekly exercises. The most important question before you buy either: are you working on this alone, or together?

Quick Comparison

	His Secret Obsession	Save The Marriage System
Best For	Women whose partner has emotionally withdrawn and want to reconnect on their own	Couples where both partners are still trying but keep having the same recurring fight
Core Approach	One-person Hero Instinct framework: specific appreciation and making him feel needed and seen	Two-person 30-day plan: communication drills, conflict-repair scripts, weekly check-ins
Works With One Partner?	Yes — you read it and apply it; your partner does not need to participate or even know about it	No — the guide is built for two people at the table; it stalls if used solo
Format	~200-page PDF, 8 structured chapters, example phrases and scripts	~80-page guide PDF + audio MP3s + printable worksheets + bonus loneliness report
Price	$47 one-time	$25 one-time
Recurring Billing	Optional coaching subscription — offered after checkout, not pre-ticked	Optional $27/month membership — offered after checkout, not pre-ticked
Author Background	James Bauer (relationship coach) — draws on Gottman and EFT research	Lee H. Baucom PhD (marriage therapist) — structured around evidence-based communication work
Refund	60 days, ClickBank-honored	60 days, ClickBank-honored
ClickBank Gravity	45.26 (much higher — broad audience)	10.45
Earned Per Sale	$75.48	$121.23
Rating	9.2/10	8.8/10

His Secret Obsession: Best for women working on the relationship alone

Best use case: Your partner has emotionally withdrawn — less conversation, less affection, more distance — and you want a framework to understand what is happening and what to do about it. You are not having a crisis conversation with him tonight. You want to read something, understand it, and try a different approach. We also have a related guide: How to Save a Failing Marriage.

Method: A ~200-page PDF in eight chapters. The core idea is the Hero Instinct: men respond strongly to being made to feel needed, specifically appreciated, and seen as the person their partner most wants to turn to. The book is not about manipulation. It is about communicating appreciation in a more specific, targeted way than most people do by default — which maps to the same “turning toward” research Gottman has been publishing for decades.

Strength: You can use it entirely on your own. Your partner does not need to read it, participate in exercises, or know you bought a book. The appreciation chapters are the most actionable part: they walk you through how to notice and say things specifically, rather than generically. The $47 price is one-time. The book reads calmer than its sales page, and the framework holds up against mainstream couples research. Our short answer on whether His Secret Obsession is worth it is in the guide.

Weakness: The example phrases in the “secret phrases” chapters read as scripts. Used word-for-word with a partner who knows you, they feel borrowed. Translate them into your own language first. The optional coaching subscription shows up after checkout — skip it and your cost stays at $47. The book assumes a heterosexual dynamic and a partner who is emotionally available to reconnect; it is not designed for situations where control or intimidation is the real issue. For a side-by-side verdict, see His Secret Obsession versus Wrap Him Around Your Finger.

Cost reality: $47 one-time. An optional coaching subscription appears after checkout — it is not pre-ticked, and you do not need it to use the book. Refund: 60 days, ClickBank-honored.

Save The Marriage System: Best for couples both still willing to work

Best use case: You and your partner are both still committed — you are having conversations, not silence — but you keep having the same argument and it never resolves. You want a structured plan with exercises you can do together, not just a framework one of you reads alone. Our short answer on whether Save The Marriage System is worth it is in the guide.

Method: An ~80-page guide PDF, audio version, and printable worksheets, built around a four-week plan. Week one is assessment and naming the core disconnection. Week two is communication practice: active listening drills, ‘I’ statements, and a weekly check-in format. Week three is conflict repair, with scripts for revisiting old fights without blame. Week four is rebuilding trust and setting a shared vision for the marriage. For a side-by-side verdict, see His Secret Obsession versus The Devotion System.

Strength: The communication exercises are the same ones a Gottman-trained therapist would give you, organized so you do not have to assemble them yourself. The audio version lets you listen together in the car, which lowers the barrier to starting. The printable worksheets give you a 30-day action plan, a gratitude log, and conflict-repair scripts you can use this weekend. At $25 one-time, it is the lowest-cost structured couples resource in this comparison, and the loneliness chapter is genuinely insightful — it names the slow drift that breaks marriages and gives you a framework to talk about it.

Weakness: The guide stalls if only one partner does the work. This is not a solo read. If your partner has checked out, is unwilling to sit down with worksheets, or believes the problem is entirely yours to fix, Save The Marriage System will not help much. An optional $27/month membership appears after checkout — skip it and keep the cost at $25.

Cost reality: $25 one-time. Optional membership at approximately $27/month appears after checkout — it is not required and is separately offered, not pre-ticked. Refund: 60 days, ClickBank-honored.

Which one should you choose?

Pick His Secret Obsession if:

• Your partner has emotionally pulled away — less engaged, less present — and you want a framework to understand what is happening and act differently
• You are working on this alone, at least for now — your partner is not ready to sit down with exercises or worksheets
• You want one clear mental model that explains the pattern, not a week-by-week plan
• You are in a long-term relationship that has gone quiet, not a marriage in active recurring conflict
• $47 is within your budget and you want the book that has served the broadest audience (gravity 45.26)

Pick Save The Marriage System if:

• Both you and your partner are still showing up — you are having conversations, you both want this to work, but you keep landing in the same argument
• You want structured exercises you can do together: audio to listen to in the car, worksheets to fill out on a Sunday, and a week-by-week plan
• A $25 price is important and you want the lower-cost option with the higher per-sale commission track record
• You are willing to commit to four weeks of focused work, not just reading a framework and hoping for change

Real talk

These two guides are solving different problems, and buying the wrong one for your situation will not help you.

His Secret Obsession is a solo read for a solo problem: a partner who has gone quiet and a woman who wants to understand why and do something different. The Hero Instinct framework is real — it repackages well-documented esteem and attachment dynamics into practical steps one person can act on today. The book’s extraordinarily high ClickBank gravity (45.26) reflects a large, broad audience finding it useful, which makes sense: the situation it describes — partner withdrawing, woman trying to reach him — is more common than the situation that requires two people both ready to do structured exercises.

Save The Marriage System is for a specific, important situation: two people still in the fight but losing the same round over and over. The four-week structure works because it turns “we should communicate better” — vague, stressful, always deferred — into a list of things you do on Tuesday night. If your partner will sit down with the worksheets, this is an unusually practical, well-priced resource. If he will not, buy something else.

Neither guide is a safety net for situations involving control, intimidation, or fear. If that describes any part of your relationship, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (thehotline.org) before reading any relationship guide.

For the woman reading this at midnight trying to figure out which book to buy: if you are working alone tonight, His Secret Obsession. If your partner is sitting next to you and you are both trying, Save The Marriage System. If you are unsure, both carry 60-day ClickBank refunds — try one and return it if it is not the right fit.